A brother's response to my article on finding a spouse

November 15, 2009 - 4:57pm — jos

So, as I mentioned, a brother wrote me following my article on Finding a Muslim Spouse. He does not believe there are a lot of single Muslim available. In his words:

"The question remains Zarinah why did the Imams marry non-muslim women if there are tons available? It makes me question whether there are tons available. If that is the case where are they? Where is the list? Is tons a figure of speech or are there really tons? Do you know tons that are single and looking? Until I see tons it's a myth. So this is why I am going this route and from what I see unless I am wrong and I am willing to listen the Imams had to do the same thing. "

My response was that just because some Imams marry non-Muslim women doesn't make it a good practice for the community as a whole! I can name 25 single sisters in under a minute! What do you think?

jos's blog

Comments

Anonymous (not verified), November 18, 2009 - 2:15am

I can probably name like 50 single sisters (myself included). It is not a myth at all!!! You do not have to follow the Imam just because he's an "Imam". And if he was an Imam, then why would he marry someone who wouldn't pray in his masjid with his congregation or raise his children to practice Islam?

Niyah, November 18, 2009 - 10:49pm

ASA Anonymous,

Right! It's not a myth at all but the fact that this brother sees it as a myth speaks to the state of our community. Why doesn't he know who is single?? And on the Imams, I don't agree with that at all (as a large scale practice), but I think they have the same issues as their community. They don't know how to approach Muslim women either!

Salam (not verified), November 30, 2009 - 10:05am

I am just in awe of this brother's comment. I am also a single sister. But I do believe it is a shame that we do not know who is single in our communities. I was married for several years and I have gotten divorced. I am having a similar dilemma of who are the single brothers in a community. But, I have not resorted to believing there are no brothers--I just know I have not found any that I know of as being available.

How do we fix this? I don't know. I mean I sure would not like a scarlet letter representing my being single, but it is a real dilemma.

Niyah, December 4, 2009 - 2:51pm

You address a real concern, how can we highlight the status of our community members without making it feel like a stigma? Communities are groups of people who share common interests, but they also share experiences together. So, we MUST begin to have additional events, open discussions and ways for people to get to know one another on a HUMAN level. I believe marriages will naturally follow suit.

Jihad of the Soul: Singlehood in Muslim America

Comments

Anonymous (not verified), November 18, 2009 - 2:15am

Niyah, November 18, 2009 - 10:49pm

Salam (not verified), November 30, 2009 - 10:05am

Niyah, December 4, 2009 - 2:51pm

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Jihad of the Soul: Singlehood in Muslim America